Drug addiction is a devastating disease that adversely affects not only the addict, but also the friends and family members of the addicted person. If you have a friend or family member who is presently suffering from drug addiction, you know exactly what I am talking about.

Oftentimes, the family does their best to help the addict. A spouse may cover for the addict by making excuses as to why the addict is unable to work that day. A parent makes a habit of bailing a child (adult or teen) out of jail when there is a drug or alcohol related arrest. Excuses are made to explain why social engagements can’t be kept. And the list goes on. While the intentions of family and friends are admirable (protecting the addict from perceived harm), the net result is a perpetuation of the disease.

Enabling at its most basic level occurs when the family helps the addict avoid the negative consequences of drug addiction. The following represents some classic enabling behavior:

Have you made excuses for the addict?

Have you bailed them out of jail?

Are you doing all the footwork for them?

Do you take over their responsibilities?

Are you lying for them?

Do you hide your keys and wallet from them?

Do you remove all valuables from the house out of fear they will be stolen?

Have you heard the repeated promises from the addict that they will quit?

Do you find that whatever boundaries you have in effect constantly bend?

The family suffers tremendously as they continue to enable the drug addict. Feelings of guilt, frustration, anger and hopelessness mount. And all the enabling does absolutely nothing for the addict other than make things easy for them as they progressively get worse in their addiction. A phrase often heard while treating families of addicts is that the families oftentimes “love the addict to death”.

So how does one stop the enabling process? The first thing you have to do is set up healthy boundaries. All of the behavior that enabled the addict must come to a screeching halt. No more lying for the addict. No more making excuses for them. Rules must be firmly established and, if broken, consequences must be applied.

Naturally, this is an extremely difficult process, but a process that must be implemented. Think of it this way. If you don’t make any changes in your life, and in your household, rest assured that the only thing that will change is that things will get worse for the drug addict and the family. Keep in mind that addiction is a progressive disease meaning that it gets worse over time. And while the drug addiction gets worse, the family’s frustration and anger will likewise increase. You have to make the change.

In view of the magnitude of the disease, it is vital to obtain some help along the way. You might want to consider organizing an intervention. An intervention is an excellent way to confront the addict with their disease and provide a solution in the form of treatment.

If you have the resources, consult with a therapist or addiction counselor for guidance in the area of boundary setting. Emotions run high and outside, neutral and professional opinions are invaluable during this period.

There is also free help available in the form of Alanon meetings. Here is a brief blurb from the Alanon website:

“How will Al-Anon help me?

Many who come to Al-Anon/Alateen are in despair, feeling hopeless, unable to believe that things can ever change. We want our lives to be different, but nothing we have done has brought about change. We all come to Al-Anon because we want and need help.

In Al-Anon and Alateen, members share their own experience, strength, and hope with each other. You will meet others who share your feelings and frustrations, if not your exact situation. We come together to learn a better way of life, to find happiness whether the alcoholic is still drinking or not.”

Understand that when dealing with an addict you will not be able to change their behavior. They have to make the change. That does not mean that you do nothing. You can provide support by offering treatment and doing whatever is necessary to help them in their recovery. You do not support them in their drug addiction. Re-establish healthy boundaries, and if they are broken follow through with consequences. And don’t forget to help yourself along the way. Attend some Alanon meetings and if possible enlist the help of a therapist or addictions counselor.