A frequently asked question from family and friends of an active alcoholic is “How can I stop my wife/husband/partner from drinking so much?” The reality, and answer to the question, is - you can`t. They will stop when it suits them, when their health fails, when they lose their job, when they go to jail, or a variety of other circumstances, all of which are painful to hear, but nevertheless true.

There is an option and that is to organize an alcohol intervention. An alcohol intervention occurs when a group of family members and friends get together and lovingly confront the alcoholic and present a solution in the form of treatment. While you are planning for the alcohol intervention there are some preventative strategies you, the family and friends should employ pending the alcohol intervention.

Don`t protect the drinker from the naturally occurring consequences of drinking. If they embarrass themselves don`t make excuses, or if they fall don`t pick them up. Only intervene if there is a danger of the drinker being injured. For most people this kind of `tough love` is a difficult thing to do. However, protecting the drinker means that they never suffer the consequences and so are never aware of the severity of their drinking. Alcoholics need to feel the consequence of their drinking. Protecting the drinker only postpones them feeling the reality of their addiction.

If the alcoholic takes time off work through being too drunk or too hung-over, don`t phone the boss and give an excuse. The problem drinker is only too happy for someone else to accept responsibility. Let the alcoholic accept responsibility for their own behavior if they are to change.

Don`t allow yourself to finance the drinker’s addiction. If they spend all their money on drink don`t lend them money or pay their debts. Again this is protecting and delays recognition of the extent of the problem.

Don`t join in and drink along with the drinker. It may seem a natural thing to do - “if you can`t beat them join them” but this just makes the drinking behavior appear to be normal, which of course it`s not. Besides, if you try and keep up you could end up needing help yourself, and one drunk is more than enough for any household.

Don`t scream and shout and nag about the drinking behavior. This just provides an excuse to drink even more. The “logic” that is used here is “I drink because you nag” rather than “You nag because I drink”. Yea, I know that is not logical but hey this is not about logic, it’s about drinking.

Don`t make threats and give ultimatums unless you are actually prepared to carry them out. Otherwise these threats and ultimatums will lose any power to influence the drinker. In fact, they may even provide an excuse for drinking, especially if there is a pattern of drinking to avoid stress and painful circumstances. Therefore you could be left feeling even more frustrated than before.

Don`t cry, sulk, and withdraw to punish the drinker. The drinker can again view his as behavior best avoided by getting drunk, perhaps with the immortal words “No wonder I drink, look at you!”.

Don`t try and have a meaningful conversation about the drinkers addiction when the drinker is intoxicated. It is easy to get lured into a conversation - don`t. When intoxicated the alcoholic is incapable of carrying on a rational conversation. Wait till the morning or when they are sober.

For more information on alcohol interventions, visit www.stevenlodgeinterventions.com or call 310 392 1201.