Book Description

Steven George was living the American Dream. To the outside world, he had everything. He had a spacious home, a beautiful wife, two adorable children, and a convertible Porsche. His was the perfect life, until one day when his wife discovered his deepest secret. For over a decade he had been struggling with a relentless addiction to drugs and alcohol. Stream of Unconsciousness chronicles Steven’s dark experience with his addictions, his wife’s attempt to discover the truth, an emotional intervention, and his subsequent life experiences in one of the premier rehab facilities in the nation. This poignant memoir gives the reader an honest, unique insight into the mind of the addict as he first struggles to survive in a world of lies and then learns how to stay sober and ultimately live a full life with no secrets.

Interview with the author

The book idea came to me while I was in treatment. Of the many forms of therapy I received in treatment, one was a writing session. I remember a counselor pointing out that writing about feelings and emotions has tremendous therapeutic value, particularly in early recovery. The counselor went on to say that alcoholics/addicts have a tendency to bury feelings while in the midst of their disease and that writing was a good exercise to tap into feelings and emotions and begin the process of recovery.

I recall dreading the prospect of writing. The last thing I wanted to do was to plunge into some of the emotions I had successfully buried for decades. And here I must point out that when I mention feelings, I’m not talking about pleasant feelings or the good times. That’s easy for me. I have no problem writing about what it felt like for me to hit a homerun see my kids perform at a school play, or have a great family vacation. I’m talking about uncomfortable feelings and experiences. Quite frankly, I was afraid of what might turn up. Nevertheless, I had made a decision shortly after I checked into treatment to do whatever was necessary in order to arrest my sickness, so if they wanted writing, they were going to get it.

The words did not come easy during my first writing session. I just stared at a blank piece of paper for what seemed to be hours. The counselor recognized my “block” and encouraged me to write anything, even if I wrote nothing more than “ I’m having a hard time with this writing project.”

I wrote that phrase a few dozen times until I came up with something slightly more creative. Slowly, over the next few writing sessions, I was able to access and explore some of the feelings, emotions and experiences that I had avoided for years. I realized that part ( and I must emphasize “part” ) of the reason I went down the path of addiction was my tendency to avoid the discomfort associated with uncomfortable feelings. And I was quite successful at it for years until my methods no longer worked. It was at this point where I began using drugs and alcohol to numb the discomfort I could no longer avoid.

I decided to focus my writing on the period of time in my life shortly before my intervention when my drug and alcohol use had peaked. I wrote with painful detail what it was like for me living the life of an addict. I struggled with each page I wrote, but before long I had penned out dozens of pages covering a mere day in my life as an out-of –control addict/alcoholic. It was gut wrenching work for me. When I put the pen down, I was exhausted and oftentimes physically sick. Strangely enough, there was also a sense of relief and I suspect this is what the treatment facility was hoping for when they decided to incorporate this type of therapy in their program.

So, why did I write the book? Well, I’d have to answer that by saying one reason I wrote the book was for myself. I decided to use the book as a tool to help me in the event I felt a relapse on the horizon. My thinking was that if I ever got any “bright” ideas about drinking or using again, hopefully I’d have the courage to open my book and read about the life I had as an addict/alcoholic. Instead of romanticizing about the rituals of using or the short term payoff of a high, I’d be able to read in sordid detail of what it felt like, physically and emotionally, to be addicted and to relive the toll it took on my family and friends.

Who might benefit from the book?

I also wrote the book as a means to help other addicts and alcoholics. While in treatment I started reading some books authored by other addicts depicting their life as they struggled with their disease. As an addict, I felt a sense of relief reading these addiction memoirs knowing that I was not the only person walking this planet doing unthinkable things to myself, friends and family. My experience is that many addicts think they are unique in their behavior, when, in fact, the depression, isolation, shame and guilt is oftentimes a shared experience. Reading about such behavior did not act as a stamp of approval. For me, it served as a reality check that I was not alone in my disease and highlighted just how out of touch life had become.

There is also the prospect of hope. I don’t mean to suggest that my recovery experience should be used as a roadmap for recovery. In my case, thirty days of inpatient treatment followed by another thirty days of “stepped down” inpatient treatment, four months of outpatient, and over two hundred AA meetings in my first year has certainly helped me get to where I am today; a sober family man, friend and productive member of society. What got me through my treatment plan was a complete surrender to the process and a willingness to do whatever the treatment team asked me to do.

Lastly, I wrote the book for families and friends of loved ones who are suffering from addiction. In my intervention work, I frequently meet family members who are at a loss to understand how people fall victim to addiction and why they do the things to themselves and those who love them the most. I wrote, in honest and sordid detail, about how my addiction motivated me on a typical day. My hope is that my behavior will be seen as a sickness rather than a constant series of bad choices driven by faulty moral character. Readers will see that I was willing to do whatever was necessary to insure my next high regardless of the attached negative consequences, which is suggestive of textbook addiction.

I also wanted to point out the addiction is an equal opportunity disease. There are no boundaries or barriers when it comes to addiction. It strikes regardless of race, religion, sex, or economic status. In my case, my life was seemingly firing on all cylinders. I had the life many people dream about; a beautiful wife, two healthy children and economic security. Yet, I was willing to place it all in a secondary position behind my quest for the next high.